Politics vs. Government

Our US Government is in business to help, protect or aid the people.  You know the line “government of the people, by the people and for the people”.  The line is not in the Constitution.  It was Abraham Lincoln in the Gettysburg Address.  But the Constitution does say: 

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

(Has anyone ever noticed “defense” is spelled wrong?) 

Anyway, if you haven’t read the Constitution lately, here it is:  http://constitutionus.com/

Here’s the problem:  This institution, that is only in existence for We the People, is run by Politicians.  People whose only purpose is to get noticed.  These narcissistic individuals are only concerned with keeping their job or getting elected to a higher job.  That applies to City, County, State and the US.  But, you protest, they say they are doing it for public service.  That’s BS.  If they were interested in public service, they would manage one of the thankless departments within the government.  No, they are only running for office for themselves.  Plain and simple.  Democrat, Republican, Independent.  Conservative or Liberal.  They are all equally narcissistic.

But, you protest again, since when is the government in business to protect We The People.  Mostly they are a hindrance to We The People.  Every agency is in business to protect or regulate some part of the population.  You may be part of the populace that is being regulated.  But, in the eyes of the particular agency, they are regulating you to protect some other part of the populace.  However, the protected part of the populace usually doesn’t have money or power.  The regulated part does.  So they play the victim (oh! Poor downtrodden corporations.  Waaaaahhh).  They have money to give to the narcissists.  Remember them?  The ones in control?  The ones who need money to get themselves on TV and get elected to the next level?  The gladly take the money from the downtrodden corporations.  So, guess what?  We The People get screwed.  But the narcissists go on TV and tell We The People they are doing everything to help We The People.  When, in fact, they are doing everything they can to defeat We The People.

Just in case you don’t think you are part of We The People that benefits from the government.  Have you driven on a road today?  Were you fairly certain other drivers won’t run in to you?  Were you fairly certain your car would protect you if they did? Are you fairly certain someone would answer when you call 911?  Are you fairly certain police and an ambulance would come?  Did you eat food you were fairly certain wouldn’t make you sick?  Did you sleep in a house you were fairly certain wouldn’t fall down?  If your house did catch fire, are you fairly certain a fire truck would come?  Did you send your kids to school today?  Even if you sent your kids to a private school, I can almost guarantee their teacher went to a public school.  There is little chance a teacher at a private school could have afforded private school.  Did your kids play with toys today? Are you fairly certain they are safe?  Did you go to work at a job where you were fairly certain you would be treated fairly?  If you got hurt at work, are you certain you would be taken care of?  Did you watch TV?  A live event from somewhere across the globe?  (Satellites) Did you breathe fresh air today?  Did you take medicine you were fairly certain was safe?  Were you prepared for the storm moving in?  Did you get your streets plowed today?  Did you use electricity?  Did you fly in a plane?  Ride a train?  Are you fairly certain your city won't get bombed today?  

Ok…. You get my drift.  You may think the government is too limiting or too intrusive or cost too much money.  But that’s only because the narcissists keep telling you so.  Every part of your lives are affected by what the government has done for We The People.  Not We The Corporations.  Not We the Narcissistic Politicians.  

It's time we remember who We The People are. And remember the government is "of the People, by the people, and for the people". 

Self Help - Does it Work?

Losing my job and my mom in the same month would send anyone into a depression, right?  And how does the normal American come out of a depression?  Self Help.  Here is what I have turned to in the past month:

• Finding my Element

• Do I have a Fixed Mindset or a Growth Mindset?

• Radical Self Acceptance

• Meditation for Mindfulness

• Meditation to stop procrastinating

• Healing through Pleasure

• Articles on unemployment

• How to Find Your Next Job

Have I read all these?  No.  Like most people, I buy Self Help books and read the first chapter and move on to the next one.  Here’s what I have found out about myself:

Meditation is hard.  I keep falling asleep.  I want to drink water when I’m supposed to be concentrating on my breathing.  

I have a fixed mindset.  This means I think my mental and emotional intelligence will not change.  I have to work extra hard to keep proving myself.  If I had a growth mindset I wouldn’t take criticism so hard and I would view each failure as a learning experience.  But if I believe everything is “fixed”, why would I continue to read the book?  I obviously I don’t think I can change, right?

I procrastinate too much to do the meditations to stop procrastinating.  The narrator reading the Radical Self Acceptance book talks as slow and monotone as a Buddhist Monk.  I want to scream at her to hurry up!!! Apparently “healing with pleasure” is not stuffing myself with Ben & Jerry’s and watching a Glee marathon. Who know?

And “finding my next job” is hard work.

The only one I’m still working on is “Finding My Element”.  I’m not sure how to categorize that one. Apparently, it is possible to find something that you are good at and love doing.  So far, I don’t know what that is.  But chapter one says it’s ok to feel like I don’t have any special talents.  I’ll wait and see what chapter two has in store.

So…. Self help?  Americans obviously think we need help because a visit to any book store shows shelf after shelf of self help.  We always go to the New Release section.  Last year’s “help” wasn’t good enough? We think the perfect “help” has just come out.  Just like we think the perfect diet is the new one everyone is talking about.  The one they were talking about last year didn’t work, right?  Maybe this new one is the perfect one.  The words between these covers will make me happier, skinnier, more confident, more loving, more organized, more productive, more whatever…..

Do they work?  If they did, they wouldn’t keep coming up with new theories.  What does work?  I don’t know.  I’m still looking.  

Mindfulness is the newest meditation craze.  I guess the idea is to clear the mind so the real emotions and feelings can come through.  Ok…. Maybe I’m oversimplifying.  Like I said, I keep falling asleep.  I can’t clear my mind enough to stop thinking about the water bottle on the table.  That’s the trouble with all of this “help” stuff.  I can’t clear my mind.  Thoughts, worries, decisions, emotions.  My mind is like a carnival bumper car ride.  All the thoughts are speeding around and ramming into each other.

Do you remember bumper cars?  Each car had a pole that touched the ceiling with an electrical current. Each time the poles touched there was a spark.   My legs twitch like that.  The ride was over when they turned off the power and the cars stopped.  I need to turn off the electricity that keeps the cars running.  Make them stop ramming into one another.  Is that a weird imagery to use in meditation?  Maybe I will try that.

But here’s the ticker…. Once the ride is over and the cars stop, then what?  Maybe I am afraid to face what is beneath the superficial stuff.  Once I stop the noise, how do I fix what’s left? What if I can’t?

Job Hunting and Dating – The Similarities

Job hunting is like dating.  You put yourself out there. You are vulnerable.  You have to be prepared for rejection.  You get the “could this be the one?” excitement when you read a new job description.  Then the “will he call?” anxiety.  Then finally the rejection that comes with the “he isn't going to call” realization.   It’s back to the drawing board… or the next job posting board.

It is so frustrating!  I guess it is a numbers game.  The more you apply, the more chances you have.  But I’m starting to feel like I’m trying to win the lottery.  How many tickets do I have to buy to guarantee a win? 

The other advice I get is “you can’t get a job by sending tons of resumes.  It’s networking.  Knowing people is the only way to get hired.”  What if your “network” isn't helping?  All my Facebook friends and LinkedIn former colleagues keep saying how great I am and I will get a job soon.  But no one is offering help. 

This is extremely hard on the ego and self-esteem.  I just read an article that a positive attitude is required.  Yeah right!  Facing rejection on a daily basis is a hard way to stay positive.  I started with a low self-esteem and I didn't think it could get much lower.  But it can.  I need something to remind me that I’m good at something.  I have stopped playing Words with Friends because losing really sucks!  I’m sticking with the easy games.  Mind numbing games. 

The same article said to do something to get your mind of the job hunt.  Ok.  What? The article said daily exercise for the body and spirit.  Even therapy if needed.  I would if I could afford it.  Exercise makes my foot hurt.

Today I decided the TV needs a rest.  So, I’m writing.  That’s good!  I like to write.  I don’t know if I’m any good, but I like it.  This blog is a good place to start. 

Back to the dating analogy – I hated dating.  I never did much of it.  Putting myself out there at bars never worked.  I’m not the best looking person on the planet.  Then came AOL.  I got more dates.  Most were “one date wonders”, but some lasted longer.  I met my husband from a personal ad on AOL.  It was before the days of high speed internet, so pictures weren't as easily shared. 

They say the way to find love is to stop looking.  I kinda did with my husband.  Yes, I answered his ad online.  If I hadn't?  Who knows?  Somehow I don’t think that part of the dating analogy works for job hunting.

But, in a way, it does.  When I met my husband, I had stopped being so desperate.   I didn't lower my standards or settle.  My husband is the best person on the planet.  But I changed what I was looking for.  If I had met him a year earlier, I would have let him go.  He wasn't exciting enough.  But after getting my heart broken by “exciting”, I realized that love doesn't have to be all about anxiety and stress and pain.  You know that “will he call?” anxiety?  I never had that with my husband.  I knew he would call.  I don’t know how I knew.  There was just a calm certainty about how he felt about me and how I felt about him.  It just all seemed right. 

So!  How does that translate to job hunting?  I don’t know.  I guess that means I will know when the right one comes along.  But if I don’t keep looking, I will never find it.

But I don’t have the option to stop looking.  One can live without a significant other. But in the real world our money will run out eventually.  So I keep looking.... keep sending resumes.  Keep trying to be positive.  To use another dating analogy:  my mom always said “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!”

Did I mention I’m unemployed?  I was laid off on November 22, 2013.  The fact that it is the 50^th anniversary of Kennedy’s assassination is not lost on me.  I had known about it for 90 days.  Truth be told, I knew it was coming for over a year.  Company cuts.

In September my Mom got sick.  She passed away November 13^th.  She had been sick off and on for almost a year.  Losing my job and my mom within two weeks?  How does one describe it?  Devastating?  Yes.  But losing the job when I did was almost a relief.  My heart had not been in my job for the last few months.  Dealing with my Mom’s illness left me exhausted – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  I think I had been heading for a nervous breakdown for months, maybe years.  I finally collapsed.  Everything seemed so overwhelming.  Just the thought of getting off the couch and taking a shower was a chore, much less dealing with everything that comes from losing a job and a mother. 

But I made it.  It is now January and I think I am finally coming out of the depression.  I feel like I can get on with life.  It is still hard.  My inherent procrastination is still a problem.  My avoidance tactics (food and spending money) are working overtime.  But I am getting off the couch and getting stuff done.  Some things had a deadline – moving Mom’s stuff out of her apartment.  That needed to be done.  A few hours a day, every other day, was all I could manage at first.  But it got better.

I don’t want to get in to the gory details of all the logistical stuff I have been dealing with.  Stick around…. We will get into those.  I wanted to write about where I am mentally today.

People keep telling me I will cry for a long time to come.  Is it strange that I don’t cry much?  I have my moments.  But mostly I just feel empty and lost.  I want to talk to my Mom about how crappy I feel about losing my job.  I need the routine of a job to take my mind off the crappiness of losing my Mom.  I don’t have either.  So I am stuck.

I’ve had a few interviews with recruiters. But nothing has happened.  It’s all a learning experience, right? I have learned from each interview.  The first one I was too negative about my layoff.  Ok. Don’t do that.  The next one gave me huge pointers on the resume.  Said I had a great story to tell, but my resume didn’t show it. So I took their suggestions and the never called back.  Free resume advice, right?

I keep telling myself that God will give me what I want when I need it.  Ok, I really hope he doesn’t wait until the severance and unemployment is about to run out.  If that happens, I need to accept it.  But a little leeway would be nice. 

Day One

I have a new Blog.  Why? Who knows! A place to share my deep dark secrets? A place to show how crazy I am? Probably. I am unemployed and have too much time on my hands.  I still have lots to do around the house; but, I have been through a lot and am really not ready for chores.

I crochet a lot.  So here is a place to display my creations.  I always need approval.  I don't know if anyone will read this, so I don't know how much approval I will get.  But if I put it out there in the universe, who knows.

I also remembered I like to write.  I used to write all the time.  Poems, short stories, or just rambling thoughts and opinions.  Other than Facebook, I haven't written much in the past several years.  I would like to have a place to try my hand at writing.  I'm reading a book about "finding your element".  Finding my passion.  I am not sure I have one.  Crochet?  yeah, I guess.  But I love to write.  I don't know if I'm good at it.  But that doesn't matter.  Maybe being off work will give me the time and extra brain cells to do it.

I mentioned I had been through a lot.  I don't want to get into that now.  But I have begun a journey back from some pretty bad places.  Being unemployed is just one thing that happened to me this year.  I am trying to get back to being a normal person.