Losing my job and my mom in the same month would send anyone into a depression, right? And how does the normal American come out of a depression? Self Help. Here is what I have turned to in the past month:
• Finding my Element
• Do I have a Fixed Mindset or a Growth Mindset?
• Radical Self Acceptance
• Meditation for Mindfulness
• Meditation to stop procrastinating
• Healing through Pleasure
• Articles on unemployment
• How to Find Your Next Job
Have I read all these? No. Like most people, I buy Self Help books and read the first chapter and move on to the next one. Here’s what I have found out about myself:
Meditation is hard. I keep falling asleep. I want to drink water when I’m supposed to be concentrating on my breathing.
I have a fixed mindset. This means I think my mental and emotional intelligence will not change. I have to work extra hard to keep proving myself. If I had a growth mindset I wouldn’t take criticism so hard and I would view each failure as a learning experience. But if I believe everything is “fixed”, why would I continue to read the book? I obviously I don’t think I can change, right?
I procrastinate too much to do the meditations to stop procrastinating. The narrator reading the Radical Self Acceptance book talks as slow and monotone as a Buddhist Monk. I want to scream at her to hurry up!!! Apparently “healing with pleasure” is not stuffing myself with Ben & Jerry’s and watching a Glee marathon. Who know?
And “finding my next job” is hard work.
The only one I’m still working on is “Finding My Element”. I’m not sure how to categorize that one. Apparently, it is possible to find something that you are good at and love doing. So far, I don’t know what that is. But chapter one says it’s ok to feel like I don’t have any special talents. I’ll wait and see what chapter two has in store.
So…. Self help? Americans obviously think we need help because a visit to any book store shows shelf after shelf of self help. We always go to the New Release section. Last year’s “help” wasn’t good enough? We think the perfect “help” has just come out. Just like we think the perfect diet is the new one everyone is talking about. The one they were talking about last year didn’t work, right? Maybe this new one is the perfect one. The words between these covers will make me happier, skinnier, more confident, more loving, more organized, more productive, more whatever…..
Do they work? If they did, they wouldn’t keep coming up with new theories. What does work? I don’t know. I’m still looking.
Mindfulness is the newest meditation craze. I guess the idea is to clear the mind so the real emotions and feelings can come through. Ok…. Maybe I’m oversimplifying. Like I said, I keep falling asleep. I can’t clear my mind enough to stop thinking about the water bottle on the table. That’s the trouble with all of this “help” stuff. I can’t clear my mind. Thoughts, worries, decisions, emotions. My mind is like a carnival bumper car ride. All the thoughts are speeding around and ramming into each other.
Do you remember bumper cars? Each car had a pole that touched the ceiling with an electrical current. Each time the poles touched there was a spark. My legs twitch like that. The ride was over when they turned off the power and the cars stopped. I need to turn off the electricity that keeps the cars running. Make them stop ramming into one another. Is that a weird imagery to use in meditation? Maybe I will try that.
But here’s the ticker…. Once the ride is over and the cars stop, then what? Maybe I am afraid to face what is beneath the superficial stuff. Once I stop the noise, how do I fix what’s left? What if I can’t?
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